sticks and stones

As kids we’d respond to teasing, taunting – BULLYING with the nursery rhyme…

“Sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me.”

Looking back at this as an adult I have to call this little comeback for what it is…BULLSH*T! Excuse my language but that’s the word that comes to mind when I think of this verbal shield we were taught to use as kids.

Yes, its true sticks and stones CAN break your bones but words, they can leave a forever impact especially when used in a negative manner.

As a kid my mother was verbally abusive. I will not go into full details of the things she’d say to me but I will say they are things you should NEVER say to a child; especially your own. I do not know why she would say the things she said to me. I do not know why she made me feel like crap as a kid the the point that I would wish I was never born. This is a hard post for me to type up because as I’m typing the things she’d say to me are rushing to the surface and reopening those old wounds. I’ve mentioned in previous posts that I have a good relationship with my mom these days; I have even used the word great but it has taken years to get to where we are in our relationship. I have spoke to my mom about the hurt she brought me as a kid and it saddens me when she’s responded with things like “Venus, it’s not like you were beaten.” She’s right, she didn’t beat me matter of fact I was probably spanked a handful of times and sadly I remember she once told me “I only hit you cause I love you.” OKAY...I have to ask what kind of message does THAT send to a kid even more so what does that say to a FEMALE child?! ANYWAY back to where what I was leading up to – yes, she never beat me but at times I wish she would have because those bruises would go away. Emotional scars never go away and any little thing can trigger the wounds to reopen.

This post wasn’t meant to bash my mom but rather to bring awareness. Awareness of how fragile kids are. Awareness of how words can cut both young and old like a sword. Awareness of how words can impact us even more so when coming from those we love. 

Mr. G once told me children are sponges and soak up everything they hear. I couldn't agree more with this! For example, if your daughter hears you cutting yourself down about something like your weight – she will mimic that. If you tell your child he or she is stupid or ugly or worthless, etc... they will soak that up and 1. think its okay to speak to others that way and 2. think that they are stupid or whatever negative thing you throw their way and in turn break their spirit. OR what is even worse they will grow up to think it is okay to be treated in such a manor and the cycle will continue in the form of an abusive relationship or on to their own children. I’m sure you’re agreeing with me on my points but at the same point wondering which of these examples apply to me as well as probably thinking “WOW.”

The crap I went through as a kid impacted me in a few different ways.

1. My self esteem sucked and went on to be treated by my exes as my mother had treated me.

2. It made me determined to not treat my children as I was treated

3. It made me strive for success – I had to prove to my mom and myself that I was going to be more than what she thought I’d be. I just wanted her to be proud of me.

4. It inspired me to share my story as a way to show others that we may get knocked down but we can get back up. We all have cracks in us but we have to find our own “glue” to keep us from crumbling into pieces.

5. It taught me forgiveness and to be thankful for all the positives in my life. I forgive my mom for the negatives in my childhood just as I forgive others in my life that have hurt or wronged me. It’s from these experiences I became the woman I am today…these experiences have brought to where I am in my life today. I love my life and thank god everyday for all the blessings I have, from my beautiful children to my amazing husband and close friends. I have moved on from my past and share it in the hopes it can help someone else move on from whatever they are going through or have went through.

I saw something online not too that said something along the lines of “If a man lost an inch of his manhood each time he cheated, maybe he’d think before he did again.” I say that we switch this analogy towards thinking before we speak. What if you lost an inch of your tongue each time you used words to hurt another person – would you still say it?

Thanks for stopping by. I hope you have an amazing day.

XO

V.G.